Food vs. People

While in recovery for my eating disorder, one of my favorite exercises my therapist has had me do is to make a list of how I feel about food and a list of how I feel about people, and then put the lists side by side to see how my attitudes towards food and people compare. I found out that how I view food is identical to how I feel about people:

• I am afraid of food.
• I am afraid of people.

• I don't trust food very much.
• I don't trust people very much.

• I tend to avoid settings or gatherings where there will be a lot of food present.
• I tend to avoid settings or gatherings where there will be a lot of people present.

• I fear getting fat.
• I fear getting hurt.

• I have a few safe foods.
• I have a few safe people.

• I make food for others and make sure they get enough to eat, but I do not eat enough.
• I take care of others and make sure they are happy, but I do not take care of myself and I am not concerned about my own happiness.

• I feel that I don't deserve food.
• I feel that I don't deserve friends or love.

• I am very cautious about the foods I choose to eat.
• I am very cautious about the people I trust as friends.

It is such an eye-opening exercise. I had never thought of how remarkably similar my attitudes are toward food and people. But it's not just me, I can see how this can apply to other people as well.

At any rate, making this list was really interesting to do, and it showed me that recovering from anorexia involves addressing not only my difficulties with trusting food and eating, but also my difficulties with trusting and forming strong relationships with people.

Recovery is a lot of work, but it's not impossible.